I hope this isn't another false start.
I feel compelled, all of a sudden to get back on track. No in a manic get a million things done at once, but slowly getting caught up on things like email, going through a mounting mail stack (it's all junk) etc. But also trying to get back on track academically... trying to settle down, get back in the groove of reading about my patient's conditions, preparing for upcoming exams, and just trying to be a better doctor.
I don't have much to show for the past 2 and a half months. A few extra pounds thanks to ice-cream and wine, a few more grey hairs, and a reminder that life is precious.
I did manage to send off my CV to a few random sources. Just kind of testing the waters really. I have one more place to send it, and then my first tier will be complete. There is no longer a definite post-residency game plan. There were plans A, B, C, D (and maybe an E-G). Kind of an if this happens, then go with this plan. If A doesn't pan out, then B.. but most days, A-D all seem great. Last week B was my favorite, and then for a bizarre reason plan C jumped to the front of the queue on Friday afternoon. The anxiety about being clueless in July when everything was happening no longer freaks me out. None of the above plans have to be permanent.
On another note, I eliminated a plan. The honeymoon phase of being back here is over. I have some great friends here. I absolutely love the hospital I am in. But this area is not for me. I'm not straight. I'm not in a relationship. I'm not one to sit idly by and be content at home. This area doesn't offer me the things I need outside of work. And so, staying here--which was the safe, comfortable option, is off the table. It is no longer an option. And I anticipate leaving here at the end of June. 9 months for now.
What's that song lyric, "I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been..."
I hope this isn't another false start.
-
.jpg)