Guns and Russian Food

It wasn't even about the guns. It was about doing something different. Must of us don't own guns. But to tick that box that says "has shot a gun at the smith and Wesson factory," that seemed worthwhile. But I was wrong. Nobody showed up. Nobody.

Last Saturday while killing time driving around waiting for a party to start, I found a Russian restaurant. Which wasn't such a surprise because I live in the Russian/Polish part of the city. But this place was open late. Very late. And there were people inside. This place looks authentic (and like a mafia hang out). And I am desperate to go. I suggested it to a few co-workers, a few of whom seemed interested, but more than one said "but I don't even know what they eat."

And that's the point. I don't know what it feels like when you shoot a handgun. I don't know what it feels like to sit down in a Russian restaurant (where I may damn well stick out like a sore thumb), and order something that I may have no clue about. That to me, is the reason to do both.

I was able to leave work early this afternoon, a damn rarity these days. And all I really wanted was to be in Johannesburg. Thinking of the time difference, I knew that the guys would already have decided where to go for dinner. It'd be too early to eat. Maybe I'd be in the gym, or out for a run, thinking about which of my few shirts I'd wear to dinner. And then a few hours later we'd be gathers, and would be out for ages, trying new places to eat, enjoying a night out. Later on, as I was tempted to call my pals in Jo'burg, I realized it was getting a bit late. But as I thought about it, I imagined a Friday night in Jo'burg, it's summer, I bet they were sitting outside on the patio of S&S, on the umpteenth bottle of wine, listening to music, and just making the most of the night.

Fuck. Why can't I be there. Every single day I find myself thinking about where I was a year ago at this time. And every single day I wish I could go back. I have these great friends here, but the confines of residency, plus the effects of perpetual fatigue, and a cohort of friends who are mostly married/partnered (+ kids) doesn't allow for the randomness and social scene which I so dearly enjoyed last year. And that, I have realized was sustaining. This is not. I'm slightly disappointed in myself though, I must confess. I am a solo traveler, and so often have been more than content to strike out on my own, be it for a day, a week, or a month. I use to find things to do, places to go, and do them, and go there. But being back here, where I have a few great friends, and know tons of people, I end up feeling that it's not worth my time to go solo. When in fact, it would be much less disappointing to strike out on my own..

Recently, I've realized the need to take the above into consideration for jobs... The job that pays a boat-load, in the middle of nowhere sounds attractive, but the long term longevity of that job would be poor. Unfortunately one of the jobs which I thought was a sure deal has hit a bit of a snag-and that caught me a bit by surprise. I'm very close to tossing in the towel on the job search, talking to my locums (aka travelling fill-in doctor) agent, and going that route which will allow me the freedom to travel.

In the meantime, I'm going to go shoot some guns and eat some borsch. (Maybe on my own).

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