Hanging out with Jameson

Just chilling.

Jameson is the emergency break for my mind. Pulling the handle, making the craziness of life grind to a stop.

I'm hanging out with Jameson, listening to Dar Williams wondering how the fuck I've gotten to be 32, single, living here, working in a great hospital, in a job I like most days, contemplating taking a year out of my life going to South Africa, wondering when I'm ever going to have time to see friends in Washington, Dublin, Geneva, California, Australia, New Zealand, Pittsburgh, Burlington, Hawaii, wondering when I'm ever going to have time to email/call those I'm on the verge of losing touch with, leaving dinner tonight wondering why I'm single, realizing that I'm tired now and should just go to bed, thinking about how HW and I had a pact to discuss at dinner what was fun and fabulous about our days and realizing that day go by now without any fun or fabulous events, thinking about a crush and why I never told him, thinking about last night and how my friend is such an amazing person and if I were straight I would marry her in a minute and then realizing that this applies to many women I know, but very few men, wishing I had a dog, realizing that all of the above is pointless because I'm going to work tomorrow and for the next 12 days in a row and will have no time to think about any of these issues again until I am on break, and wondering if life is simple or complex, and trying to remember a conversation I had this summer with KE in which the summary was that there will never be enough time to do everything, and just wishing that I had met up with JA who knows how to keep life simple and fun, and that is what I need in life, a partner who would make life simple and fun, and now the nip of Jameson is gone, and somehow there is no resolution on any of the above issues but it doesn't really matter because I have flannel sheets on my bed which await me, and I will wake alone tomorrow, and somehow will become comfortable knowing that I may wake solo for the rest of my life but in the big scheme of things, that's a minor detail, the major details are that I am lucky to be working in my chosen profession and somehow have amassed a beautiful collection of family and friends, and Jameson is a friend who slows things down so I can think about these things.

The above isn't open for conversation when you see me. It's random thoughts that Jameson had me write down so that I can go and sleep in peace.